Not Ready Yet

I'm not ready to go into all the details about what has happened, but I will give the shortened version. I received some news in mid September about my grandma having had a TIA or a "mini-stroke". I spoke with her and while I could tell there were some residual effects she was sounding okay. A week later, a day before my grandpas birthday (he passed away 10 years ago), I got the news that my grandma had a full blown stroke and was in the hospital. I left suddenly on Wednesday with my parents to go down to Visalia. I left Jake and the kids. I wasn't sure how long I was going to be gone. I stayed until Saturday evening. I wish I could've stayed longer. Even though I don't get to see my grandma very often, she holds a very, VERY special place in my heart for several reasons that I can't go into without crying and I'm not ready for that.

Minutes after arriving (I drove seperate from my parents) my mom tells me my dad has to see his doctor asap. Not good news. We've known for a whie that he has prostate cancer and the doctors have been treating it with medication. His PSA numbers were on the rise and after a quick visit to the doctor in Castro Valley the next day and then back to Visalia, it was determined he will have to undergo 8 weeks of radiation treatment starting pretty much when he gets back in town.

It's a lot for me to take in. Even though the sickness isn't happening to me, the loss of control is. The feelings of complete helplessness has never been a more prominent feeling in my life. It's very hard for me to write even the amount that I did. While I was in Visalia I was very emotional and had a chance to ponder, in no short of words, the meaning of life. Staring reality in the face... we are not on this earth forever...and we should not take that for granted.